Who’s this stranger in my house?
My kiddo is coming home.
We are always learning to parent; parent better, differently, letting go, evolving. While your student was away at school, they were also evolving, learning, and growing to be a (hopefully) better version of themselves. Maybe who lived out of your home learned a new level of independence, as well as the pros and cons of accountability. Don’t worry, they are still your students, they are just growing into their adult selves.
Adjusting to re-entry can involve a complex measure of complicated feelings for all of you. For your student, no matter how geographically near or far their school is from home, college has offered a newfound independence, where curfews, piles of dirty clothes, and details like dental hygiene and food choices have no room for parental input. For parents and guardians, there may be anxiety about the disruption of what some might call a “renovated nest” (the nest has not been empty, after all, if you are still living in it). Your student’s return will likely shake up newer routines. As you’re considering your student’s return to come over winter break, here are my suggestions for you and your family to consider:
- Remind your student they are not a guest. Talk about expectations, routines, and boundaries. Does your student take up old chores they had before they left for college? (i.e. laundry, dishes, trash/recycling, etc.) Do they know that this expectation still holds true within your family dynamic? Do they understand that some things have changed, while some things remain the same.
- Find ways to reconnect. Do you rekindle an old family tradition? Let them know that you missed them without overwhelming them. Let them know they weren’t forgotten. Consider planning a family outing or two. This guarantees that you’ll have time with them while they still have their freedom to visit with old friends and/or part time jobs while home. Maybe plan their favorite meal to celebrate their homecoming.
- Ask your student how things have changed for them, and share how things have changed for you. Likely, it’s been a little bit quieter in the house since they left for school, and the “noise” will take a moment to get used to again. Share your new hobbies or passions with them, and ask them what they learned about themselves at school that brings them new joy or garnered a new experience. College life can be demanding. Allow them time to recover from the end of the semester.
- Patience, Patience, Patience. They will likely need time to readjust to live back home. Consider giving them a little grace, and ask for the same from them for you.
Hopefully, your winter break will be relaxing and memorable for your whole family.